CAPITOL SIDESHOW INTERLUDE
Episode #32906: Cynthia and the Capitol Guard
“Okay, Lights…camera…”
“Capitol Sideshow Interlude
Episode Number 32906
Take 2006 (at least!)”
“Roll ‘em---Action!”
“Excuse me, ma’am---HOLD IT! Are you authorized to---“
“Hey, I’m on my way to a meeting so get away you RACIST”
(POP!)
“All right you---you’re under arrest for ASSAULT!!”
“This here is RACIAL PROFILING!”
“This is the Shoelicker News breaking in on yet another Capitol cut-up. It appears that Congress-you-go-girl Cynthia is crying wolf---er, racism because a Capitol guard dared
to stop her from just barging in past a metal detector without bothering to show her identification pin (never you mind
that members of Congress and certain other pampered government officials can legally do so!); she claims a little hair
adjustment shouldn’t have prevented the guard from recognizing her as such. Officer,
what do you have to say?”
“Gee, I was only doing my job. (Man that cell phone HURT!)”
“Congress-you-go-girl Cynthia?”
“He was only doing his job if that job was to profile helpless little me!”
“And there you have it from both sides of---oh, here come the Lockstep Brothers to join in.”
“PROFILE! PROFILE! AND PROFILE YET AGAIN!”
“And that was the Lockstep Brothers weighing in on the---say, is there some kind of…whipping…going
on in back…?”
“Relax, it’s just dear Mommy Superior Nan---uh---con-SOL-ing congress-you-go-girl
Cynthia, that naughty little RACIST. Heh heh…”
“That was Tommy of DeLay, formerly SIR Tommy of Delay, before his own publicized tiff with
stuff much more horrendous than anything done here today.”
“Hey, at least HE never jabbed me with a cell phone!”
“The guard again…gee, that is a nasty bruise...oh oh wait! Here comes Congress-you-go-girl Cynthia being booted back here with some of her Congress cut-up colleagues. Welcome back---“
“Not now, I just GOT to say this! I’m
sorry sorry sorry, I’m so-o-o-o sorry.”
“Yes she is-s-s-s…so sor-r-r-ie-e-e-e.”
“Singing that lovely chorus was the Congressional Cowed Caucus doing their rendition of several
barbershop quartets plus a few. They are rumored to be coming out with a CD soon.”
“And let that be a life lesson for the rest of you!”
“And that little postscript was delivered by Mommy Superior Nan, alleged Empress of the minor
house. Well good listeners this has been the Shoelicker News, signing off to
allow you to do exactly as Mommy Superior Nan says in this little side show you have just heard tonight. If all of you will take your bows to the applauding audience, thank you.
Our cast includes as follows: Congress-you-go-girl Cynthia was played by Cynthia McKinney; the Capitol Guard was played
by the Capitol Guard; the Shoelicker News played itself (of course); the Lockstep Brothers were played by several separatist
Black afrocentrists; Mommy Superior Nan was played by Nancy Pelosi; the freshly-disgraced former SIR Tommy of DeLay was played
by a freshly-disgraced Tom DeLay; and the Congressional Cowed Caucus and others were played by the Congressional Black Caucus
and others. The writer/director was Karl Rove, the producer was George Walker
Bush, the associate producers were Dennis Haysbert and William Frist, the executive producer was Richard Cheney, and the senior
executive producer was George Herbert Walker Bush. Goodnight all, and please
be swift to discuss tonight’s broadcast, created for you to distract you from the failures of the above-listed men behind
the scenes. Please pay no more attention to them; they are not the things we
should worry about.’
“CUT! That’s a print---and a wrap---all around
the public’s eyes! Gee, guard, is that blow still hurting…?”
© 2006 Garrett Murphy
